I am such a Desperado ..

I am so desperate in climbing up the ladder ..
The ladder of my career path..
The ladder in building up my contacts
The ladder of my 'social circle' ..
Desperate in achieving the so-called 'standard of living'

so.. what am i gonna do when i got all these?
I dont know.. but what i know is, i dont like the feeling of being 'lost my word' when i was asked about questions like "so, what do you do?" *Its not like i am being sarcastic to people who haven found a job.. its just.. i felt so nothing much to talk about my tiny little TSO role to these PHDs, these people of whateva they do.. compared to them.. TSO is nothing.. they know its nothing.. I dont wanna embarrass myself ..grrr..grrr *
I dont like the feeling of not feeling proud of myself.

[7 years, 4 months, 24 days to go...]
You made me become desperate. But, is that really what I want ?
I am yet to figure it out...